How your values shape your life
- Published: 18 February 2014
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In his latest book The Values Factor, self-help guru Dr John Demartini provides a deep dive into how our values shape every aspect of our lives – from relationships, careers and service to the world. His definition on what our real values are, as opposed to what we like to think they are is eye-opening, writes Katrina Fox.
Some selected quotes from the book:
Anytime you find yourself saying ‘I should…’, ‘I need to…,’ or ‘I really must…,’ you can be pretty certain that you are talking about social idealisms or the values of some external authority instead of expressing your own true highest values.
What you perceive as lacking – and want more of – determines what you value.
If you want to know what you truly value, look at what you make time for.
What we value most shapes how we process information, what we remember, and how we act, so that our minds, emotions and intentions all work together to fulfil those most meaningful values.
Passion often drives us to seek a kind of perpetual bliss that is unobtainable even as we strive to avoid unhappiness, challenges, discomfort, or suffering, which are ultimately unavoidable.
Your life never lies. What you value most is what your life will reveal.
Whenever you try to force your mind and body to do something that does not fit who you truly are, your whole self rebels.
Hell is a state of mind that emerges when you try to live with unrealistic expectations such as ease without difficulty, support without challenge, pleasure without pain. If that is what you truly seek, your life will disappoint you – and it will be a living hell.
Integrity is not something you strive for – it’s something you live with, something that emerges automatically when you live congruently with your highest values.
Our truest nature is neither altruistic nor narcissistic: it is a perfect balance of both.
Labels are simply unrealistic expectations that people with one set of values project onto other people that they don’t know how to effectively communicate with.
True service to the world is not giving to others out of guilt or shame or rescuing them from their presumed desperation. It is initiating fair exchange with others and not robbing them of dignity, responsibility, accountability or productivity.
If you have to ask someone else, ‘Where am I going?’ you’re not honouring your own inner leader. You are denying what you know inside.
Your innermost dominant thought becomes your outermost tangible reality.
Buy The Values Factor: The Secret to Creating an Inspired and Fulfilling Lifeby John Demartini.